Health Regression

The past few months have been Hell...

I am the heaviest I have ever been, I am not sleeping, I am in constant pain and discomfort, I am basically being held in a wait and see pattern while the doctors keep me as numb as I can possibly be and still function at work at the same time...

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired...

Let's back up and start with a bit of history:

Ever since I was very young I always had very long, heavy and painful menstrual cycles. I didn't realize for a very long time that this was normal. Often I would stay home from school or work for 1-2 days when the really bad days hit me. I was prescribed birth control pills to help control my cycles.

I moved out on my own when I was 16 and started smoking. I quit taking the pill because I was advised not to continue taking them if I smoked.

I had my son with my first husband when I was 21. My cycles became even worse, so I went on Depo Provera (birth control injection shots) as I couldn't go back on the birth control pill because I was still smoking at that time.

During my second marriage we decided to try and have a child together. I went off the injections and nothing happened (no menstrual cycle). I was prescribed hormone pills to help re-start everything. They made me miserable, and I made everyone else around me miserable as well. After a few more months my cycles returned, but I was never able to have any more children. I began to discover then that my menstrual cycle troubles were a sign that things were not really all that well in the hormone and fertility department. The second marriage ended shortly after.

In 2010 my menstrual cycles were out of control. I was missing multiple days of work almost every month due to the extreme amounts of pain and bleeding. After multiple doctor visits and hospital emergencies a cyst was found that was causing the pain due to a twisted stalk. A laparoscopy was performed and the cyst was removed. It took me almost 2 weeks to recover from that surgery. I thought that was the end of that.

Less than six months later the pain returned and this time multiple cysts and fibroids were discovered and I was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). One of the fibroids was quite large and I agreed to have a myomectomy performed to remove the large fibroid and anything else they could during the surgery. Over eight pounds of cysts and fibroids were removed from that particular surgery. It took two months to recover from that surgery. I was hoping that would finally be the end.

My common law husband and I changed out diet and eating habits and researched what we could find out about PCOS. Things seemed pretty good for a while, although eventually the cycles went back to their normal (for me) horrid self.

Starting in September of 2014 I could take it any more. The pain was horrible again, I was missing too much work again, and I was at the end of my rope. I was given ultrasounds, pain killers, iron supplements, medication to slow down the bleeding, everything. But everything was all wait and see. I requested a specialist but was told I didn't need one.

Finally, in December, after going to the hospital on three separate occasions, the hospital emergency doctor referred me to a specialist that works out of the hospital.

I really like my specialist. The first ultrasound we did showed a large, almost 9 cm cyst in my right ovary. As most cysts tend to resolve themselves in 1-2 months, he decided to wait 2 months and get new images done and decide at that point what steps to take next. I am still on a wait and see regiment, but at least I feel like there is some information and some movement. My specialist also requested a CA 125 blood test (which was not covered by OHIP) so I am just waiting for those results back right now as well. I have been prescribed low dosage birth control (Lolo) to help prevent new cysts from forming as well as to (hopefully) regulate my cycle. I take Metformin to help control blood sugar levels and weight gain, and I now also have to take Toradol three scheduled times a day to keep the pain at bay.

I have little to no motivation. I am not really doing any courses lately, I am trying to stay on task at my full time job, trying to build a business of my own on the side, and mostly just chilling out in my comfy home office chair with a hot water bottle, some Netflix and some knitting.

Fun right?

Well that ran a little longer then intended....

Basically my thought was to revive this blog to help track all my symptoms, tests, results, etc. for medical purposes and also to provide the information for anyone else out there is having similar issues so you know you are not alone and maybe we can share what is/is not working for you/me.

I started tracking my symptoms on January 10th, 2015 as follows:

Saturday, January 10th, 2015

• lower back pain
• lower left pelvic pain
• nausea
• no appetite, full easily
• headache
• having to urinate frequently, but not a lot each time
• constipated
• Extra medications today: Naproxen for afternoon pain, Docusate for constipation, Gravol for nausea, Percocet for increased evening pain and to sleep.

Sunday, January 11th, 2015

• little to no sleep the previous night
• diarrhea
• upper and lower gas
• pelvic pain
• lack of appetite
• no energy
• passed out in the middle of the day for about 4 hours
• Extra medications today: Tylenol 3 for pain (barely numbed it)

Monday, January 12th, 2015

• lower left pelvic pain
• nausea
• extreme bloating and pressure
• Extra medications today: n/a

Tuesday, January 13th, 2015

• little to no sleep the previous night
• having to urinate frequently, but not a lot each time
• heartburn
• weak and shaky
• right leg glitches
• extreme bloating and pressure
• upper and lower gas
• dizzy
• heaviness of chest
• short walk to the bank almost made me pass out
• Extra medications today: n/a

Wednesday, January 14th, 2015

• little to no sleep the previous night
• had to get up to urinate in the middle of the night
• bad tasting and burning upper gas
• bad smelling and burning lower gas
• constant tummy rumbling
• sharp pains in the lower left pelvic area
• extreme nausea
• lower back pain
• Extra medications today: n/a

Thursday, January 15th, 2015

• little to no sleep the previous night
• running on empty
• extreme nausea
• extreme heartburn
• lower back pain
• stomach pain (above the belly button)
• lower right pelvic pain
• Extra medications today: Gravol for nausea and sleep

Friday, January 16th, 2015 (as at 1:00 pm EST)

• almost no sleep previous night, maybe 2 hours
• exhausted
• nausea
• heartburn

It's Been A While...

I'm not going to make a huge blog post today, but I wanted to at least address my whereabouts for the last little while since kind readers have been emailing me to see if everything is OK.
It wasn't...but it's better now.

I fell into a huge slump. I was feeling very ill, all the time again. I was at a loss what to do. I couldn't go to the gym because I felt so ill. I fell behind on diet as well because to be honest, I just didn't have the energy to care and put any effort into making healthy meals so we often purchased takeout or frozen foods that were easy to just warm up. I haven't weighed myself in months, but it can't be good.

Eventually the pain got so bad that I couldn't handle it any more. So I went back to the doctor. She sent me for a follow up ultrasound. It showed that the larger fibroid had grown. In 6 months. Not good. The doctor was slightly baffled because apparently fibroids usually don't cause pain unless they are in a bad spot. After talking between the doctor and the specialist that was finally appointed to me (the same one who did my previous surgery) we decided that it would be best to have the fibroid removed.

I went in for an abdominal myomectomy on November 15th. I had to live with the pain (prescribed heavy painkillers to help dull it) until that date. I missed a lot of work because of the pain. I hate missing work, so this made me miserable. To top it off I now have to take 6 week off to recover from the surgery before I can go back to work. The good news is they removed the large fibroid, plus 3 others, together with a cyst they found on my ovary. No wonder I was in agony. Man, I hope this worked.

Today marks the first day of my 3rd week of recovery. I am almost bored out of my skull. Luckily I have lots of books to read, homework to do, and crochet projects to finish. And of course my video game.

Hmmm...this post came out a little longer than I intended. Oh well...that's where I am at right now. I go back to work in January and I really hope I can slowly start back to the gym and change my eating habits so I never have to go through this again.

To end on a somewhat higher note, I wanted to share some pictures of the crochet squares I have been working on for the Bernat's Mystery Afghan Crochet Along project. Alas, the uploader doesn't work so well...so if you have Ravelry look up gwenythlove or if you are a Facebook friend I have an album there. I'll share one pic because that is all I can get to work right now. Enjoy!

Food Issues

I haven't blogged for a while. No duh right? I've been having issues. I have been frustrated by my weight gain (even with the addition of all the time I have been spending at the gym) and I have had some low feeling days where I barely wanted to get out of bed (both health and depression wise).

But I think I have finally realized what my main problem is. It has taken me a while to figure it out, but now I know.

I went to see my Naturopath who specializes in PCOS on Friday. She provided me with some supplements to help me out. First off she prescribed me something called Healthy Hormones (which hopefully will not give me the same nasty side effects the one from my Doctor gave me) and a Glucose Regulation supplement. She also created a food list for me outlining the things I should, and should not eat. There is a whole lot of should nots, let me tell you! I am really upset about a lot of the foods on the should not list, but I understand the reasoning behind them. I just don't know how I'm going to survive not eating the foods I am used to.

For example:

bananas
mangoes
wheat
balsamic vinegar
potatoes (of any kind)
rice (of any kind)
oats
caffeine
pork
scallops
fruit juices
butter (or any dairy really)
pumpkin seeds
etc...

I mean seriously? That was pretty much my diet right there! What the heck am I going to do for breakfast? I love my hot oatmeal! Man I feel like crying!

So that of course is issue number one. Obviously I have been eating all the wrong foods for my disorder. The second issue is that I can't seem to make myself NOT eat the not list even knowing now that I am not supposed to eat it! I seriously argue with myself at every meal time about what I want to eat, what I'm supposed to eat, and what I'm actually going to eat. And I am failing miserably here!

I have still had my oatmeal every day since the appointment. I can't seem to break myself of that habit. I don't know what to do. At dinner I have the best of intentions and then on the way home I tell myself "screw it" and I grab chili from Tim Horton's or something. I feel like a great big failure.

Oh and here is how the weight loss issue has been going:

Week 1: 159.9
Week 2: 162.0
Week 3: 160.8
Week 4: 161.8
Week 5: 162.4

I wouldn't feel so bad if at least my body fat percentage was going down...but it's not...it just stays at 30.5% mocking me. I am so close to just being done. Resigning myself to the fact that I have PCOS and eating what I want, when I want and coming to grips with the fact I will get larger.

But then I remember the pain that I had both before and after the surgery to remove one of the cysts. It was excruciating. I don't want to go through that again, not if I know I can do something to stop it from happening, and I can. I just have to stop being so damn lazy.

So my question is what do you do to help yourself stay on track with food? I have heard not to treat it as a diet, but as new eating for life...but honestly that makes me feel worse. I have started journaling because I was told that would help, and I can see how in a way because I feel very guilty every time I have to write something down I know shouldn't be in there. I bought this wonderful diet and fitness journal that is just perfect for what I need. I found it at Chapters.

I also heard some people take pictures of every meal and post them to their blog because it makes them more accountable to the people who read their blog. That might work...if I remembered to take a picture of everything I ate. Oh well, here's lunch:

Half a tuna sandwich on brown with a sweet orange pepper, 8 cocktail tomatoes, 6 green beans and Gardennay Asparagus soup (but I didn't eat the soup because it was nasty). The only thin in this picture on my NOT list would be the bread, so not too terrible.

Please share with me your techniques for staying on track with food. I am very interested in hearing them because if I can't find something that works soon I fear I might cave in...and that's not a good thing...

Summer15 Starts Today!

It's been a while again since I posted. There are some really traumatizing, I mean exciting reasons for that, but I will share them in a future post. Since the words pain, hospital, vomit, surgery and stitches are all included, I feel it deserves a post all on its own!

But this post is strictly for the Summer15. What is the Summer15 you ask? Basically it's a contest for Bloggers to try and lose 15 pounds over the summer. It goes from Tuesday June 15th (today) until Tuesday September 7th. I really hope this helps motivate me to get with the program now that I'm pretty much all healed (minus a few stitches).

So start off this contest with a bang, I have to post my starting weight today.

162.6...it's a bit more than I would like, given the weight I had lost previously...but due to circumstances (involving the traumatic words posted above) I can certainly understand how it happened. Being stuck on bed rest for almost a week certainly didn't help. Neither did my lack of wanting to do pretty much anything which led to me eating way too much takeout and went back to drinking coffee.  These past two days of trying to return to my healthier ways are killing me! (Can anyone say caffeine and sugar withdrawal???)

So yeah, that's what's going on with me right now. Look for more exciting news again soon! I hope I'm well enough soon to get back into some hardcore exercise programs because I really really want to achieve this 15 pound weight loss...not for the contest...but just for me.

M.I.A.

First of all, I want to thank all of you wonderful readers who have emailed me over the past week or so wondering if everything is OK with me. It means a lot to me that people are reading enough to realize when you have been gone to long and are genuinely curious as to why.

Since my last post I have gained exactly 5 pounds back. The very same 5 pounds I was so proud to have lost as it put me at the 10 pounds lost marker.

But I'm OK with it.  Why?

1) I have been eating like crap! (When I felt like eating at all that is.)

2) I have not been exercising AT ALL!

Why you ask again?

Because I have been sick.

I have been VERY sick.

I have been going through medical tests and doctor's appointments like crazy to find out why I am sick (and am in constant agony).

I was so stressed out, not just with the pain, but also because I was having trouble working, walking up and down stairs, sleeping, and doing just about anything really. I was so freaked out trying to figure out what it could be.

Luckily we pretty much have the answer now, also luckily it seems like something that should be easy to take care of without extensive surgeries and medications.

I have a few more tests that need to be run before the doctor can refer me to the specialist, and then they will be the ones to decide how to proceed.

Here is what we do know so far: (WARNING - This is very personal and involves women's cycles, etc and might be too much information for some people. Continue reading at your own risk!)

PCOS has pretty much been confirmed via ultrasounds, but we are still waiting on the final blood work to come back on that.

Two uterine fibroids have been discovered. One is about 2 cm and the other is around 5cm. The larger one is in the lower back area and the reason for most of the pain and the inability to sleep.

I have an excess of ovarian follicles which is also a symptom of PCOS and may be rupturing which can also be causing the pain in the abdominal areas.

Until we can get more test results back and speak to a specialist I have been placed on prescription painkillers to manage the pain so I can at least return to a somewhat normal lifestyle. I have also been placed on birth control pills for three months (starting with my next cycle) to manage the hormone levels and make the menstrual cycles more bearable as that is what is aggravating the fibroids.

Fun stuff right! At least I got in lots of reading and video game time! I even made a Shelfari account! Feel free to add me.

At least it's not cancerous...that's what I keep repeating to myself over and over again...

Next week I hope to get back to healthier eating and some exercise (pending how the painkillers work of course).  I have already been told I had to drop out of my dancing with ROTC for the season as well as drop out of my first 5K race I had planned.  I'm pretty bummed but I am hoping once my health gets back on track I can return to those things I enjoyed!

Wednesday Weigh-in

I know, I know...I have been missing in action for a while. This is due to a mixture of uber business and depression.  Let me explain...

The last time I posted we thought there might be a bun in the oven. We had never really thought about having a child together. I have a boy who is almost 12 from my first marriage, and my partner (Michael) is 11 years older than me and never really thought about having a child of his own. Actually he said he didn't really want one.

This all changed the moment we thought it was happening. He was so excited, I was so exited, we picked out names...you can see where this is going right? Well it turned out, even after 2 weeks late, I wasn't pregnant, or maybe I was and lost it. We'll never know. What I do know is this...now we kind of want to have another one...but now it turns out I might not be able to.

Why?

The doctor thinks I might have PCOS (Polycycstic Ovary Syndrome). We think this is why I am struggling with things like weight gain (even though I eat really small meals) specifically around my belly (which my demonic kindly coworker was evil nice enough to point out looked like I was 3 months pregnant). Other symptoms are things like acne on my face and back (check) extra and darker hair in regular areas as well as places like the chin, chest and nipples (check). Oh and let's not forget digestion issues, which we all know from previous posts I definitely suffer from.


How does this effect baby planning? Well low fertility is also a symptom. Perhaps this is explains why in almost 12 years I have been unable to have another child...


The good news is now that I know there are many treatments, most natural and fits my diet/exercise plan anyhow. It just makes me even more motivated to try harder now. I am reading this great book called The Ultimate PCOS Handbook: Lose Weight, Boost Fertility, Clear Skin and Restore Self-Esteem. It has some great information in it and I hope to post a review when I am done. I am about halfway through it now.


So that's that...

I am down one whole pound from the last time I weighed in. So that's good. I have been really focusing on diet and exercise a lot more. My Gruve is really helpful in reaching at least my movement goals, forcing me to take the stairs more and longer walks at lunch, etc. I love it.


A girl at the bank just yesterday asked me if I had been losing weight. I almost jumped onto the counter and kissed her. It may only be one pound on the scale but I do feel a difference and I am feeling happier with myself, and that's where it all starts, right?