I haven't blogged for a while. No duh right? I've been having issues. I have been frustrated by my weight gain (even with the addition of all the time I have been spending at the gym) and I have had some low feeling days where I barely wanted to get out of bed (both health and depression wise).
But I think I have finally realized what my main problem is. It has taken me a while to figure it out, but now I know.
I went to see my Naturopath who specializes in PCOS on Friday. She provided me with some supplements to help me out. First off she prescribed me something called Healthy Hormones (which hopefully will not give me the same nasty side effects the one from my Doctor gave me) and a Glucose Regulation supplement. She also created a food list for me outlining the things I should, and should not eat. There is a whole lot of should nots, let me tell you! I am really upset about a lot of the foods on the should not list, but I understand the reasoning behind them. I just don't know how I'm going to survive not eating the foods I am used to.
potatoes (of any kind)
rice (of any kind)
butter (or any dairy really)
I mean seriously? That was pretty much my diet right there! What the heck am I going to do for breakfast? I love my hot oatmeal! Man I feel like crying!
So that of course is issue number one. Obviously I have been eating all the wrong foods for my disorder. The second issue is that I can't seem to make myself NOT eat the not list even knowing now that I am not supposed to eat it! I seriously argue with myself at every meal time about what I want to eat, what I'm supposed to eat, and what I'm actually going to eat. And I am failing miserably here!
I have still had my oatmeal every day since the appointment. I can't seem to break myself of that habit. I don't know what to do. At dinner I have the best of intentions and then on the way home I tell myself "screw it" and I grab chili from Tim Horton's or something. I feel like a great big failure.
Oh and here is how the weight loss issue has been going:
Week 1: 159.9
Week 2: 162.0
Week 3: 160.8
Week 4: 161.8
Week 5: 162.4
I wouldn't feel so bad if at least my body fat percentage was going down...but it's not...it just stays at 30.5% mocking me. I am so close to just being done. Resigning myself to the fact that I have PCOS and eating what I want, when I want and coming to grips with the fact I will get larger.
But then I remember the pain that I had both before and after the surgery to remove one of the cysts. It was excruciating. I don't want to go through that again, not if I know I can do something to stop it from happening, and I can. I just have to stop being so damn lazy.
So my question is what do you do to help yourself stay on track with food? I have heard not to treat it as a diet, but as new eating for life...but honestly that makes me feel worse. I have started journaling because I was told that would help, and I can see how in a way because I feel very guilty every time I have to write something down I know shouldn't be in there. I bought this wonderful diet and fitness journal that is just perfect for what I need. I found it at Chapters.
I also heard some people take pictures of every meal and post them to their blog because it makes them more accountable to the people who read their blog. That might work...if I remembered to take a picture of everything I ate. Oh well, here's lunch:
Please share with me your techniques for staying on track with food. I am very interested in hearing them because if I can't find something that works soon I fear I might cave in...and that's not a good thing...
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